So Apparently, I Cannot Ever Leave My House Alone!

I don't get to shop for myself very often... Like almost never!  If I do shop these days, it's for the kids or fun stuff like groceries or organic dog food...

Well we are leaving for the desert on Saturday for a week and then to the river the following week. So I was thinking that I needed some shorts and a few other things since my pajamas probably won't be an acceptable form of clothing. Luckily we'll be in bathing suits most of the time (which brings on a whole different issue! Like I want to be romping my fat ass around in a bathing suit).

Anyway, the hubs came home a little early today and I kissed the kids goodbye and headed out to start the painful event of clothes shopping. And not clothes shopping for jeans or JLO joggers (and other things that cover myself)... but shorts and other hot weather items... Now if you know me, you know that I am knock kneed, pigeon toed, and walk like I am about to fall on my face at all times... So shorts aren't the most becoming thing for me to wear! but the weather is calling for a lovely 112 degrees next week, so I must find some sort of alternative to my flannel pj bottoms and my beat up UCLA tshirt (UCLA Alumni represent!!! Funny story for another time)!

I of course was given a (pathetic) allowance for my clothes shopping by the hubs since we are going on two vacations back to back. I thought, hey I can probably double my product if I go somewhere like Kohls or Target... So I  jump into my car where my hands literally melted to my steering wheel (totally not even exaggerating) and take off to Kohls. I spent about an hour walking around the place which stressed me out beyond believe... Can't you just have a section for shorts, a section for skirts, a section for shoes, etc... Noooo they have to have a little here, a little there... I can't handle browsing through the whole damn place!!!! After finding nothing, I get back into my toaster oven of a SUV (which takes an hour to cool off) and drive towards Target. Target is my happy place, A wonderful place where I can spend $50 just in the dollar bins alone! I decided to call the hubs and check in... Bad idea!!!! Hubs answers the phone and all I can hear is one of my children screaming at the top of their lungs like they had just cut off a limb... I ask hubs, "what the hell is going on???" then I hear him put the phone down and more screaming! Ok, if you are a parent, that is the most horrific thing!!!! You have no idea what is wrong with your child, but they are screaming in pain and screaming for their mama! I hang up the phone, flip a U-Turn and try not to kill anyone with my NASCAR like driving towards my house.

I am almost home and the hubs calls...

Me- "What the hell just happened?"


Hubs- "Boogie stepped on a bee"


Me- "Is she breathing?" (My daughter is 4 and this is the first time she has been stung by a bee)


Hubs- "Yes"


Me- "I'll be home in a minute. First I am going to CVS to pick up some Sting-Eze (thank god a friend had just  told me about this miracle gel about a week ago). Put some ice on it!!!!! I'll be right there. 


Hubs- "Ok" (Hubs is not a gabby sort of guy)


I get home and Boogie is sitting on the couch with her foot propped up on the ottoman resting comfortably on a bag of frozen blueberries (back off Ava). She has stopped crying thankfully and was watching The Little Mermaid II for the 18th time since she got it last weekend. I scoop her up and cradle my little pumpkin face and ask her how she's feeling... "Mommy, I can't believe I got stung by a bee! Look at my foot!" I look and I see that her heel is red and a little swollen. Not bad considering I was picturing my child being whisked off by an ambulance while going into anaphylactic shock.

Hubs tells me that he got the whole stinger out and has had her foot on ice since... I rub the Sting-Eze on her foot expecting her to scream and cry (she's quite the drama queen, she must get it from her father!). Nothing! She asks me to move so she can see the TV better... Wow!!! About an hour later, she is running around the house! WTF?!?!? If hubs hadn't see the bee and the stinger, I would never believe that this child had been stung!!!

We give her some Benedryl, feed the kids dinner, read a few books and put them to bed... Ahhh quiet!

So apparently I cannot ever leave the house without my children... It is those times that I am struck with horrible guilt! I am sure that if I had been home, I could have somehow thrown myself in between Boogie's foot and the bee. (Don't you doubt me, I could do it!  I'm totally graceful dammit! Oh wait, I just told you that I am knock kneed, pigeon toed and waddle didn't I?)

Ahhhh, my life as The Mama Monster~  This picture explains "me" perfectly!