Life Is Funny Sometimes....

and other times.... *sigh* I just want to ask it, "Are you freakin' kidding me?"


Let's rewind back to yesterday...


As most of you know, I am very lucky that my kids sleep in! and when I say sleep in, I mean that Beakey sometimes sleeps until at least 9:30 but usually until about 10. Boogie wakes up around 8 or so but crawls into bed with me and watches tv while I sleep a little longer. I know, you all hate me!!!

So you can imagine my extreme displeasure when Beaker woke up at 5am yesterday!!!! "Are you freakin' kidding me?" So I get him out of his bed and bring him into mine... He then falls back asleep until about 7 when Boogs comes boucing in all bright eyed and bushy tailed blabbing about what a beautiful day it is or some crap like that (where did this kid come from?). At 7 we stumble down the stairs, eat a little breakfast, watch a little Scooby Doo and lounge around ( I mean what the heck are you supposed to do at that ridiculous hour?).

Fast forward to about 10 am when Beakey is whiny, grumpy & looking at me like he is in desperate need of a nap... I take him upstairs and put him down for a little nappy.

I do some dishes, laundry, clean up dog poop from the back yard and then Boogie and I fall asleep on the couch for a little bit.

Around 1 we decide to run to El Pollo Loco for some quick lunch since we are in desperate need of a grocery shopping trip and there is nothing to eat in the house. I put the puppy in his crate with his lunch and we head out. I run to the bank, pick up our lunch and we head back home. We open the garage door and this is when Rylee tries to open the back door and says, "Mom, I think it's locked". I say, "No, why would it be locked"? Rylee- "Oh I think I locked it when I closed it". Me- "Are you freakin' kidding me"?

You are probably thinking, "what's the big deal, just unlock it"! Right? WRONG!!! The genius who made the back door knob, put a lock on the inside with no keyhole on the outside!!! "Are you freakin' kidding me"?

Oh and by the way, Boogie is crossing her legs and whining that she has to pee. Like really bad!

I think.... okay, we never use the front door but one of my billion keys on my janitor sized key ring has to unlock the front door right? WRONG!! None of them work... I call the hubs whining about what is going on, while Boogie is doing the pee pee dance next to me, and Beakey is off picking flowers or something.

Hubs reminds me that we have a hide a key... I go over and get the hide a key and go back to the front door where my kid is still complaining about having to pee... I finally tell her to pee in the planter (we are classy)! The hubs is still on the other line and tells me, you have to jiggle the key because they people that made the copy didn't do the best job. So I hang up with him and try the key... It goes in but doesn't turn... I jiggle it a bit and try to turn it. It turns! Phew! Oh wait, it's not turning, it just snapped off inside the lock! "Are you freakin' kidding me"?

I call the hubs back and tell him. And get this, this is what he says to me... "How hard did you jiggle it"? Well apparently I have superhuman strength because I didn't really think that I jiggled it that hard.

Now I am pissed!!!! I am trying to figure out how we are going to get inside the house... and of course Boogie is telling me, "Mom I want to change into a dress"! I want to say, "ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME??? YOU LOCKED US OUT OF THE FREAKIN' HOUSE AND BECAUSE OF YOU, WE CAN'T GET IN AND YOU CAN'T CHANGE YOUR OUTFIT!" but of course I didn't. I just cussed under my breath and paced...

I call my dad and tell him what is going on and he tells me that if I call a locksmith that it's probably going to cost $75-$100 but he was cutting out so I thought he said $500!!!!! Forget that crap (and note to self, get into the locksmith business!).

I then have a bright idea... I have access to the garage and tools so I'll just take the lock off!!!! Hmmm, not the brightest idea... I guess they don't put the screws on the outside!!! Probably a good idea since that would mean that anyone could then take my lock off and get into my house!

Then I remember, I left the downstairs windows open in the back which hubs always yells at me for doing... I'll just open the gate and get into the backyard and crawl through the window. So I walk around to the back gate and remember that the hubs has replaced the combo lock with a padlock... Awesome, the key for that is inside... of course it is...

It's a 6 ft wrought iron gate so I can't hop it without something to stand on, which is of course on the other side of the gate. Grrrrrrr!!!!

I finally grab our lunch, the kids and get back in the car to go over to my parents house and wait til the hubs gets home from work to figure out how he's going to fix the situation.

Of course, I am in my pajamas because the kids woke up so early and I didn't get a shower, I have no makeup on, I don't have any diapers for Beakey and the puppy is inside his crate, inside the house!

We finally just go to my parents house and hang out there awaiting the hubs call...

Finally around 6:30 I still hadn't hear from him and decide to call him....

Me- "Where are you"?

Idiot Hubs- "Home"

Me- "Inside the house"????

Hubs- "Uh yeah"

Me- "ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME????? Were you going to call us and tell us"????????

Hubs- "Yeah"

Me- *click* (refraining from throwing my phone across the room)

We finally got home around 7.

Hubs- "What's wrong with you"??



ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME????????????????????????????????????????????

XO,
THE MAMA MONSTER aka Norman Bates